it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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