WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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