I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
