Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize