i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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