My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
