Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
