better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
