Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
