You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
