Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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