Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
