I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
