After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
