i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
