I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
