Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
