She just used a chaser for red wine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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