Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
