Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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