I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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