You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
