I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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