I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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