Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
