I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
