omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
