I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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