On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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