Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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