i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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