dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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