Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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