Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
