Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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