So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
