Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
