we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
