i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
