I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
