I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
