Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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