I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize