we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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