I look better un-naked...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
