ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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