My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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