Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
