It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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