You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
