So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
