Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize