I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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