if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
