Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
