Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
