Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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