I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
