Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
