my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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