I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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