if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
