Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
