FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
