If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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