4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
