her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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