they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
