is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
